Light at the End of the Tunnel

 

“What’s true of all the evils in the world is true of plague as well. It helps men to rise above themselves.”   Albert Camus, The Plague

It was a peculiar weekend right enough. Shorter than planned, and one that, like Alice, saw us enter and re-emerge from a tunnel into a world that had undergone a surreal transformation during our brief excursion. The news from around the globe of a spreading virus was building, but in most parts of the British Isles people were carrying on with their daily lives quite normally, albeit with a slight awkwardness when it came to greeting friends and relatives. We had been looking forward to our trip on Eurostar, one that I saw as a practice run for many more non-aviation journeys into Europe.  On arrival at the terminal in St Pancras we were warmly greeted by an animated and cheerful attendant who told us to “go and enjoy a cup of coffee and some breakfast, and to ignore the published checking-in time, as the numbers travelling were down, and they were not going to be strict about it this morning”. This was delivered in a manner clearly intended to make us feel relaxed. It had a different effect. As we drank our coffee at a faux-French outlet, only twenty metres from the gate, we pondered as to why numbers were so far down, whether we were doing the right thing, what if we got stuck in France, were we being irresponsible, and many other thoughts that took us on a downward spiral of self-doubt. We finished our coffee and decided to get through check-in at the time instructed, just in case she wasn’t even a real attendant, but someone who enjoyed hanging around the station and making people miss their train.

Check-in and embarkation were smooth, the journey commenced, and before long we were sliding effortlessly through the Kent countryside and down into the blackness of the channel tunnel. We began to relax. The train was not busy and people were spaced generously around the carriages. We were very soon gliding into Gare du Nord. Five minutes later, we had been embraced by the late afternoon Parisian foot-traffic, and eased seamlessly into that familiar walking pattern. The one that differentiates the tourist who is not in any hurry to get anywhere in particular from the deliberate and determined stride of the local with somewhere they need to be.

Once the hustle and bustle that always surrounds major transport hubs had been left behind, it became easier to distance ourselves from passers-by. No-one appeared concerned, there were no more masks in evidence than had been spotted in London, and everyone looked like they were glad it was the weekend.  We strolled miles and miles, soaking in the sights and sounds. We people-watched, we stopped to drink in the majesty of the bridges crossing the Seine, we reminded ourselves of previous trips to the city and reminisced. We paused and stared as the sun set behind the Eiffel Tower illuminating the west of the city in a magical red glow. As the light faded, the old lady started to put on her sparkles, and a different face gradually appeared. The lights of the Grand and Petite Palais bestowed a quality on the architecture and the skyline that was enchanting.

The next day began with a gentle hint of something different. Four young people, at a table in the breakfast area of our hotel, sat together but socially distant. Not just because, like most young people of their generation, their attention was exclusively focused on the content of their mobile phone screens, but by the fact that they were each wearing a mask. Continue reading

Spark Inside

This blog has been copied from a blog written by Jack Merritt on The Exceptionals, an organisation that helps businesses employ ex-offenders by connecting them with relevant organisations who provide training, recruitment and ongoing support.  

“Sometimes when we talk about prisoners and prison, we forget that we’re talking about people. These are parents, siblings, children.” – Baillie Aaron, Spark Inside Founder and CEO

Spark Inside Founder Baillie Aaron: ‘Why we need to rethink England’s prison system.”

“Spark Inside’s work is vital and unique. It is the global pioneer in offering life coaching to young people in prison, enabling those facing the most significant life obstacles to have more fulfilling, purpose-driven futures. Spark Inside provides that rare antidote in today’s complex criminal justice climate: hope.” – Rt. Hon. David Lammy MP, Member of Parliament for Tottenham

According to Spark Inside, prison doesn’t work, because it isn’t effective in reducing crime. Although 97% of prisoners say they want to leave crime behind, 49% will go on to reoffend within one year. This figure increases to 65% for 15-18 year olds. Spark Inside wants to see people leaving prison break this cycle of reoffending. Founded by Baillie Aaron in 2012, Spark Inside aims to bring about a criminal justice system which prioritises rehabilitation.

How do they plan on doing this? Through two innovative and effective coaching interventions.

Continue reading

The Power of Deep Democracy

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I recently experienced my first Deep Democracy workshop as a participant and it was a real eye-opener.  It is simple yet powerful, and has the potential to create real transformation, not just routine actions for improvement. It was born out of  South Africa’s transformation from apartheid to democracy, and is used by leaders and facilitators from all walks of life. The process enables voices to be heard that are often left unheard, and mines the inherent wisdom hidden within the system by resolving tension and conflict.  (see Deep Democracy).

The process invites people to step into different perspectives or roles, some of which they may not be in agreement with.  The conversations that emerge from these different perspectives are illuminating. New information is surfaced, new possibilities emerge and collective wisdom that has been buried within the system is given an opportunity to reveal itself.

At a time when people all around the world are questioning what is real, what is true and what is fake news, the very meaning of democracy is under challenge. Who runs things? Is it the politicians?  What is the role of the media? And what about the technology giants, such as Facebook, Google and Amazon?  Where do we go to seek our answers and who can we rely on to reveal the truth about what is most important for us?  Continue reading

What if people just don’t care?

You are a manager. You are responsible for getting the best from your team. You will be held to account if deliveries don’t happen, if deadlines are missed and if budgets overrun. But of course, you are a good manager and those things rarely happen.  You know how to engage, motivate and inspire your people. Don’t you?

We’ve all had those conversations with people where you’ve had to lay out what’s on the line.  Why it’s so important this time – again!  And, on the whole, those cosy chats work. People walk away from those sessions, and they get on with it. They pull out all the stops and you can all go down the pub and enjoy a few drinks to celebrate the team’s (and your!) success once again.

But, what if it just doesn’t matter to them that much? What if they don’t care?  Or, they just don’t care enough?  What’s the right conversation to be having with that person now?

Continue reading

Choice, Happiness and the Quarter-Life Crisis

Last month’s post ~ Does Choice make us Happy? ~ attracted a lot of attention. Thank you for your excellent feedback. Some of the comments I received prompted me to consider this issue further, but this time from the point of view of the younger generation, particularly Generation Y.

Alice Stapleton writes sensitively and authoritatively about the phenomenon of the Quarter-Life Crisis. Unlike the well-documented mid-life crisis, which afflicts people in their forties or fifties, and is linked to feelings of stagnancy and a desire for radical change, the quarter-life crisis stems from anxiety about change, expectations, instability and identity.

Continue reading

Does Choice make us Happy?

How can Choice be bad for us?  This surely goes against everything that we in the western world have taken for granted for decades, indeed hundreds of years. Choice is fundamental to freedom, and, for people who have no freedom, it makes total sense that increasing personal choice, will provide at least an illusion of freedom, and in turn enhance their welfare, satisfaction and happiness. Continue reading

Talismanic coaching: where science meets superstition

This Article was published originally in Coaching Psychology International, Volume 8, Issue 1 (Summer 2015) – ISSN 1758-7719 – pages 16-19. 

In Daniel Goleman’s (2013) Focus, he proposes that in a world of ever-increasing 24/7 distraction, we need to become better at focusing in the here and now. In this paper we propose the benefit of “superstitious conditioning” through the use of a Talisman to help
clients focus their attention in post-coaching situations.

Learning, at its most fundamental, is based upon the creation of neural connections which either strengthen or inhibit behaviour, facilitated by attending or not attending to stimuli. Learning can be said to happen when a new state (ie, a new connection) or a new association of existing connections occurs. The stronger the associations become, the more they become embedded, meaning the associated behaviour will be more readily enacted.

As coaches, we are in a highly privileged position, able to utilise this knowledge of how learning occurs for the benefit of our clients. We can share with them tools and techniques to create and strengthen associations. Once changes are fully embedded, then the tools may no longer be required, but, in the early days, having a proxy association to aid the formation of a neural association assists with sustenance of early progress.

However, all too often in coaching, after gaining insight, clients return to the everyday fray of work. Here, they lose conscious awareness of their coaching goal as it becomes displaced by more demanding pressures. Continue reading

The Dumbing Down of Knowledge

The world is faced with enormous challenges, and we need creativity and innovation more than ever. Whether today’s focus is on climate change, terrorism, economic collapse or disease, the ‘old-world’ thinking that got us here will not be good enough to lead us to where we need to get to.

www.searchinfluence.com/No one can dispute that the growth of the internet and the explosion of personal device ownership has made available more data to more people in the space of just a few short years than was ever available in the history of humanity. The trouble is that knowledge search algorithms generally assume that volume is good. The more something is searched for, the more privileged it becomes. The information at the top of the list does not reflect quality, it reflects desirability. And, it fosters laziness. Personalisation ensures that we are presented with our ‘favourites’, the things we have ‘said we enjoy’ in the past.  Despite the diversity of knowledge that is potentially available, the interfaces through which we access information, ironically, narrows our universe.

Even in the corridors Continue reading

Get Personality Out Of Your Way

“Real knowledge is to know the extent of one’s ignorance” ~ Confucius

Fundamentally, one of the main aims of coaching is to assist people to have a greater understanding of their self, to live a life that is congruent with their values, and ideally one that is both purposeful and fulfilling. Not much to ask, right?

One problem that lies in the way of fulfilling this quest is a little thing called ‘Personality’.  Prof. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic went so far as to say that “Coaching tries to inhibit the effects of personality on behaviour” (ref: ICF Advance 2015: Science of Coaching Conference).

What is it about personality that causes him to make that assertion? In many ways it sounds counter-intuitive. After all, surely the full discovery and expression of our personalities is something that we seek? The world is, after all, full of people trying to find themselves. According to Prof. Chamorro-Premuzic, the science tells us something different. It would appear that our personality operates in a number of ways, many of which make it tough for us to change our ‘typical’ ways of behaving.

Let’s look at some of the things he highlights about personality:- Continue reading

Who Do You Think You Are?

“Dad! Dad! Can I be an astronaut?”

“Don’t be stupid son. You come from Doncaster.” ~ Steve McDermott

 

Last month I published a post in the wake of the killings in Paris called Hands up if you’re scared. The thrust of the piece was about fear, and the natural (and adaptive) reactions we have to dangerous situations. It was also about the exploitation of that fear, by both terrorists and political hawks.

In addition to those external voices of doom, we also have to be on our guard against our own internal enemy. The voice from within plays into the hands of the arguments of external fear-mongers. Many people have studied and written about the many forms our internal voice takes. Sometimes we can think of it as our conscience, our guide, our fairy godmother, looking out for us and keeping us on the straight and narrow. Or it may manifest in more malevolent form, talking down your talent or competence, criticizing your ideas or dreams, mocking your attempts to break free from “who you are”.

Over many years of working with people as they seek to overcome internal obstacles, I have heard people describe their ‘inner critic’ or ‘gremlin’ in many different ways, but whatever form they take, they tend always to say the same sorts of things to us.

  • “What makes you think you can do that?”
  • “You’ll fail and look stupid.”
  • “You’ll never amount to anything.”
  • “Who’s going to listen to you?”
  • “Who do you think you are?”

Screenshot 2015-12-11 13.26.33I recommend watching this interview between Oprah Winfrey and Brene Brown. The whole interview is fascinating, but if you only have a few minutes to spare, Continue reading