The Power of “Why”: A Child’s Innocence vs. an Adult’s Judgment
Introduction
The word “why” carries a profound weight in the realm of language. When spoken by a child, it evokes a sense of innocence, curiosity, and wonderment. But when uttered by an adult, it can take on a very different meaning, often laden with judgment or even challenge. This contrast between a child’s pure inquiry and an adult’s potentially loaded question is not just about language—it’s about the emotional and social layers we accumulate as we grow. As coaches, we are often taught to avoid using “why” for fear of its negative connotations. But I wonder—are we missing something? Could we harness the innocence and open-mindedness of a child’s “why” to unlock deeper conversations and understanding?
A Child’s “Why”: Innocence, Curiosity, and Genuine Learning
I recently watched my granddaughter as she asked the simple question, “Why?” Her eyes were wide with curiosity, her head tilted slightly in wonder. There was no judgment in her tone, no hidden motive behind her inquiry—just a genuine, honest desire to understand the world around her.
For children, “why” is a tool for learning. It’s a gateway to understanding, a way to explore the world without preconceptions. They ask because they want to know more, because they are listening and absorbing new information. The innocence in the way children ask questions is remarkable. It is free of judgment or skepticism. When a child asks, “Why?” it’s a pure invitation to share knowledge.
An Adult’s “Why”: Challenge, Judgment, and Emotional Layers
Contrast this with when an adult uses the word “why.” Suddenly, it feels different. When an adult asks “why,” it can carry an edge of challenge or disagreement. The question may seem like a critique of decisions or opinions, and it often leaves us feeling defensive.
As adults, we have been shaped by our experiences and social contexts. Our language carries with it layers of history, emotions, and assumptions. When we ask “why,” it may not always come from a place of curiosity. Instead, it might be wrapped in judgment, skepticism, or even the desire to question someone’s motivations. This can make the question feel confrontational rather than open.
As a coach, I’ve been encouraged to avoid using “why” because of these emotional connotations. Instead, we are encouraged to ask open-ended questions that don’t feel as loaded. This approach makes sense in many contexts—it creates a safer space for communication, allowing the other person to feel heard without feeling challenged.
Could We Reclaim the Power of “Why”?
But here’s where I start to wonder—are we missing something by avoiding the word “why”? Is it possible to reclaim the innocence and openness that children bring to this question?
What if we could use “why” in a way that mimics the approach of a child—genuine, non-judgmental, and full of curiosity? If we could ask “why” with an open mind, with the intention to learn rather than to challenge, perhaps it could foster deeper, more authentic connections.
By harnessing the child-like innocence of “why,” we could ask the question in a way that encourages open dialogue and invites exploration. Instead of feeling defensive, the person being asked could feel supported in sharing their thoughts and emotions, knowing that the question is coming from a place of understanding rather than judgment.
As coaches, we encourage growth, exploration, and self-awareness. We seek to help others reach their fullest potential. And perhaps by integrating a more childlike approach to asking “why,” we can create an environment where curiosity reigns, and judgment takes a back seat.
Conclusion
The word “why” holds immense power, but its meaning changes depending on the intention behind it. When children use it, it’s a simple, pure tool for learning. When adults use it, it often carries emotional weight and judgment. As coaches and communicators, it’s essential to understand this dynamic—and to consider whether we can reclaim the innocence and openness of a child’s “why” to foster deeper, more compassionate conversations. By doing so, we may just unlock the full potential of this simple, yet powerful question.
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that professional? Perhaps it would be good for them to see that people ‘on the outside’, and who are employed, are also experiencing volatility and a feeling of lack of control around their lives. Perhaps it would be empowering to be asked about how they have developed strategies for coping in difficult situations. After all, she knows that some of the young men she has worked with have remarkable resilience, are street-wise, know how to negotiate, have developed qualities like patience and tolerance.” 
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